Cockroaches Live Forever
Josiah Rogers
“I want you to find someone” I said. She gave me a look.
“When I’m gone, I mean.”
“I thought we weren’t going to talk about that right now.”
“I just wanted to tell you.”
“Please don’t.”
“I just want you to move on. When you’re ready.”
“Please.”
“I’ll have moved on” I said as matter-of-factly as I could muster. She sighed.
“You promised.”
“Honey, I think this is a little out of my control.” I moved to run my hand through my hair like I always did when she was upset with me but touched scalp instead.
“You know it’s the last thing I want to do.”
“Then why do you keep talking about it?” I noticed a lone tear making its way down her cheek. My chest collapsed, just a little bit.
“Because I want you to be okay.”
“I will be.”
“I just want to make sure-”
“I was fine without you before. I’ll be fine again.”
I bit my lip and turned towards the TV. I could never decide whether I wanted to watch my favorite shows over again or something I’d never seen before. Today I’d settled on an old favorite.
“I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t say anything untrue.” I punctuated with a mouthful of chips.
“I shouldn’t have said it. It was hurtful.”
“Who says I’m hurt?”
“You say that like you’re not an open book. Even without eyebrows.” I chuckled sardonically.
“Damn. Was hoping that’d make me at least a little mysterious.”
“Maybe to someone who hasn’t lived with you for a decade.” She wrapped an arm around me. I leaned my head into her shoulder.
“Do you think there’s anything after all this?”
“I don’t know.” She said after a pause. “My mom always told me I’d come back as a cockroach if I were naughty. I just hope I don’t smack you with my flipflop.” I chuckled again before nuzzling further into her shoulder.
“I don’t have any regrets. I’m happy here.”
“Good. I don’t either.”
“When I’m a cockroach I’ll wait for you.” She didn’t respond.
“To be reincarnated as a cockroach, I mean. Because you’re naughty.” I poked her side. She cracked a half-smile.
“I didn’t hear you complaining last night.”
“And I’m not complaining now. I’ll be a very happy cockroach.”